Women tell their stories and they are ignored, disbelieved or blamed. I have had very uncomfortable conversations with women and men since the Jian Ghomeshi story hit the news as to why only one of the six alleged victims has agreed to use her name. Take care now!"īlaming the victim is one of the key reasons so much abuse goes unreported. Maybe you could try harder to be on time. So, in that case, we might say something ridiculous like, "Well, he does work long hours so I can see why he might get angry. Apparently a quarter of us (34 per cent men and 14 per cent women) think the victim of abuse has brought it on herself. So that means almost half of Ontarians would respond like polite Canadians upon hearing a friend with a bruised face say, "My husband gets a little angry at me sometimes when I'm late with his dinner but he doesn't mean to hurt me," by saying something like, "Well, you're such a good cook, I'm sure he's fine once the plate hits the table. (While it is clear men face abuse as well, 83 per cent of reported domestic assaults are made by women.) That was made clear again this week when an Angus-Reid poll, commissioned by Toronto's Interval House, Canada's first shelter for abused women, revealed that only 55.8 per cent of Ontarians would speak up if they saw bruises on their friend, neighbour or relative and suspected she was in an abusive relationship. Living out of the myth that "Canadians are polite," we skirt around issues and hide the truth and bite the bullet and swallow hard to avoid conflict. It's time Canadians took a page from Miss Manners and learned to speak up about many situations of injustice, far beyond the basics of etiquette. Her advice often encourages the inquirer to speak up about the particular situation of etiquette injustice. She is skilful at wrapping her words of wisdom, no matter how difficult the subject, in a velvet glove without ignoring the issue at hand or mincing her words. Miss Manners begins each of her replies with a kindly "Gentle Reader." She then goes on to lambaste, if necessary, but always in the most courteous tone. I love her hilarious, frank and always polite responses. People write her with their queries on etiquette-related issues, often containing copious details of family feuds over disrespectful children calling aunts by their first names or brides and grooms demanding and detailing the gifts they are to receive. One of my favourite syndicated columns to read is Miss Manners by Judith Martin.
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